Yesterday was the anniversary of moving here.
The first year was rather tough. I flailed quite a bit mentally, feeling alone and unsure on how to cope. I had never quite lived alone for a longer period before; almost always sharing a flat or having someone close by to lean on. As the first anniversary came by I realised how much I had grown, however.
After that it hasn't been so stressful. I let some things slide and deal well with other things and rarely beat myself up over things I didn't handle perfectly. I like my solitude. I like that noone cares if I don't plant anything on the balcony one year. That I can hang whatever I want on the walls. Not have curtains, or have curtains as I like. Noone complains about the size of my yarn stash (even though Suz at work with whom I shared an office for a couple of years said last June that if I had lived with her I would NOT have been allowed to buy all that yarn. Lucky I don't then!)
There are drawbacks too, of course.
But, I like to focus on the good things, and I am generally happy.
Lately it did strike me that before I got a taste of this freedom, living in my Hermitage, I was a much more social creature, used to sharing a flat, usually wanting to hang out with others. Now I want my lone time more and more. Addictive. The flip side of this is that my nature might not be so solitary as it seems, since I have acted in another way before. So I am trying to socialize myself a bit, getting to know new people, actively seeking company. It is fun. I am enjoying myself.
And most of all, it is completely on my terms, because in five years I have become my own, independent, person more than I ever was before.
Happy Independence Day!
