Sit back and enjoy the next hour or so!

Alice

Alice in her party dress! Once there was a beautiful tarantula named Alice, for this song, that lived with me. Mother did not approve of that purchase.

It's that time of year again!

In about fourty minutes it starts. The 42nd Iditarod.

I am excited as usual - been watching the available pre-race footage for some hours, and crying a bit and laughing a bit.

"The Norwegians are coming!"

Watch the ceremonial start here, in 40 minutes (8pm CET).

Music Day!

A gal on one of the forums I am active on asked for music that makes one want to bang, and specified a bit further what she wanted, so I gave her this which seemed to fit her criteria. It doesn't fit the criteria of music that turns me on personally but hey, whatever works. (And yes, I know what works for me.. and I am not telling y'all.)

New glasses

Still trying to decide whether to keep these, but leaning towards yes on both. They are very different from anything I already have.

Bathroom selfies! Whee!

It's tuesday again!

Another country song about boots, this one already covered. And with that I will leave western boots behind for a bit :)

The End of the World

So in the ongoing story of my introvert flailing in public spaces, after going for dinner and accompanied tipsyness with coworkers I went out on my own, talked to every single person I recognized from before in the bar, didn't freak out, all good. My main idea was to do this as an exercise, show myself I can do it, that it isn't dangerous, but also maybe strengthen some of the connections I've started making.

Then I decided to make a run for it to see if I could make it to the post office to get a package that was waiting for me. All in a good night's work. Sadly the train was held up between stations and I was five minutes too late to get it. Has a big sad.

Today Ragnarok happens at the same time as I am hosting a get-together of crazy Scandilander crafters with a tendency towards swearing freely. Coincidence?

Snowprise!

I've spent most of the week at a conference (the chef at the hotel, a nice man called Jacques, took full responsibility for my food allergies and served me excellent food that was totally safe five times a day for three days), but I've also had time to meet friends two days and go to the opera (Stiffelio - my first Verdi opera). And it's only lunch Friday - I am stepping up the pace for the weekend.

My hermit lifestyle is suffering under this onslaught of activities. I'll have to schedule in me-time soon. But on the upside I am having fun!

Breakfast Thursday - it suddenly snowed. I preferred what it looked like until then...

Thursday tune :)

Some synth/industrial band should cover this. Just switch a few words, and it's set to go, like cowboy -> steel toe.

Tuesday Tune!

This is a new experiment from me. It might die soon or keep going. We shall see. I'll schedule up some T-posts to begin with.

HIPPO!!

I have been working on this thing since September. I think I can now claim to know how to crochet, and it feels like I have done so all my life (not in a good way ;) ). What a test of my patience. But I made a thing!

Undercut

I don't have any great photos of my haircut but I have some where it is possible to see what it looks like, so I figured I'd put them up. However, I have always said I shouldn't have short hair due to my scalp looking like a hot mess when I have allergic reactions to food, and after a week, sure enough, I broke out. Itchy, red, bumpy, bleeding. I'll try to treat it with a change of shampoo to one that contains tea tree oil, primarily. My old TTO shampoo made my skin calm right down when I had the acid-burn feeling on my scalp and back after washing my hair, so hopefully it will work with this too.

Also, holy shit but my hair grows faster than I was aware of. It was long enough that I could grab it and tug it after 8 days. Bought a trimmer.

Thursday Tune

Question.

What would it be like if we were to treat our lovers more like friends and/or our friends more like lovers?

Erratic Behaviour

At some point, I cannot say when, it isn't very recent - probably when I started working management or so, I started a process of realising that things I find scary are often things I am not good at and that the reason I am not good at them is because I haven't learnt it. So I started picking up new skills, slowly expanding my comfort zone.

Trying new things. Going places I wouldn't have gone before.

One skill I picked up, something I became comfortable with, during the past five or six years, is talking to people in small groups, people I don't know. Preferably without a lot of background noise, because it will distract me and make it hard for me to get what is being said and what is going on, but still, the conversation, the people themselves do not scare me (some people do but this is another issue altogether ;) ).

If the group becomes too big, or there is too much going on in the background (sound, visual things, etc), there is too much input and I quickly fall out of the group, losing track of the conversation, unable to participate. I have a bit of a filter issue I guess, I see and hear and smell and touch and feel so much, and I remember most of it, and my brain has to process all of it. This constant barrage of impressions and input is, I think, a big part of my need to be at home in a controlled environment to recharge so much. It is also the reason for my need for my headphones when I leave my home, to limit things a little bit, an aural barrier between me and the world.

And here comes the thing that is still scary to me. Slightly larger, or fluctuating, groups of strangers or semi-strangers or acquaintances, a lot of background noise, unfamiliar surroundings where I am still taking in all the impressions. I don't know how to do it, I don't know how to talk to strangers in these surroundings, I get paralysed and afraid of I don't know what, while my brain tries to process all the information.

Ironically I am totally okay with going one step up - going to concerts alone, or to larger settings where I am just a person in the crowd and don't have to handle much social context. (I come to dance!)

But anyway, I figure there is probably some skill here too. I know that the ability to get to know people, to network, is a skill that can be learnt and I am working on that. I want to be able to go places and hang out with people and have fun when I feel like it, without having to message all my friends to ask if they want to go somewhere. I want to be self-reliant socially - I am not sure that is the right words but I think they make sense in the context. I want to learn this thing.

So I put myself in situations where I have to try to learn it and sometimes it goes less well.

Yesterday I felt like I was behaving Very Strangely, I was so off, so out of balance mentally and emotionally, and feeling so isolated and not knowing what to do about it. It took almost an hour before friendly faces even started to register (but man, were they appreciated, though I probably didn't express it well), I was so overwhelmed, pressed against the wall. I am pretttttty sure behaving eccentrically is not helping my case. Not sure what to do about that however.

I do think I need to try to get enough of a network that I will be able to go places and not go there alone, but being cut loose after a while when I have started to acclimatize. Dunno. I am speculating. I know I am much braver, more relaxed, if I have someone I know or sortof know with me, so I can focus on them - force my focus! - if it becomes a bit too much. And I guess I feel less like a weirdo if I am not going places alone :)

(Note to the last one: There are places in the world where going places alone and drinking beer does not bother me in the least. Stockholm, and specifically the synth scene, is not such a place however.)

Photo for CaH

Quick selfie in the bathroom, just holding the hair back so the cut can be seen. I'll try to get proper photos taken sometime....

So said, so done.

Time well spent - and an observation

This weekend has mostly been spent watching streams, webcams and videoclips from races (1 and 2), as well as tracking GPS locations and progress. Some yelling at the monitor, and some crying, because the tears come easily from me. I had a couch-mushing break Saturday evening when a group of people came over to play boardgames. Between that and a bigger focus on social life, music - and the week spent learning more about union rights and processes and Swedish labour legislation (brain turned to goo! But so fun!), my internet presence dropped again.

Sorry about that.

Except for you guys on FB, you are probably tired of mushing links being shared by now, but WORRY NOT the season is faaaar from over you'll get plenty more :D :D :D

And then to my observation:
My hair is long enough, if stretched out (it is slightly wavy naturally but I tend to brush it straight when wet) to get stuck in my buttcrack. Nasty. Time to do some chopping.

Here is the latest colour scheme, which will mostly disappear when scissors are applied:

Mani: Swirly stuff

Mani: Graphical industry

I have a top coat that supposedly glows under a blacklight, I will report back on that.

Misconceptions

So, apparently, as it turns out, I NEVER go out. At least I have no suggestions what so ever where to meet people. I am trawling my brain and coming up blank. Waah! I know, I thought, it felt like I do go places, sometimes weekly, and drink tea and sometimes have a meal, but I blank out now. When I need suggestions. It's like I...

..stayed in a moment too long and forgot how to leave the house. How does the door work again?

This post brought to you by the fact that I feel like a blithering idiot in interactions with other people at the moment.

Fearless

Look! Bad mobile photo in bad light, but she isn't at all as spooked about being near me anymore. I think she was so shocked by being left with the nasty lady at the vet for her spaying that she decided to show me more affection and trust. She is sleeping next to me in bed and is happy to be petted and touched and I am even allowed to pick her up and put her down elsewhere (like on the bed or on my lap).

The cone doesn't seem to inhibit her though I am sure she will be happy to be rid of it.

Stockholm New Year! (Taken Jan 4th.)

NYE hair-do follow-up

I thought I had posted these but apparently not.

Here is a photo that was taken of my hair during the evening. (The blue ends were sticking out all around but aren't that visible in this photo.)

 Here is what happened when I started pulling out all the bobby pins that held it up that neatly. Now this first photo looks more like me (hair in front hanging down, high tail, dreads with blue highlights? Sure.)...

...the laughing started around here. This was just weird. Then I spent 30 minutes trying to brust it out, swearing all the while that I would cut it short(er) come morning. No need to say I didn't. :)

Dragongirl mani

Terrible clean-up job but well. It is what it is. It looked great the day after. :P