Paparazzi shots

Every now and then a photo that somebody I might or might not know has taken of me pops up on my radar. This one was taken by somebody I don't know, Saturday. Me and my trusty IPA, @KGB.

Running with a cane

The urge to run away is severely hampered by the fact that I walk with a cane.

So tired, mentally tired, in physical pain, slow brain due to physical circumstances, endorphines. Distracted. Processing slowly. I want to talk but I don't have the energy to interrupt and it turns out if there are more then one other person noone listens when I speak,  they speak over and around me. I am too slow, too banal, too technical, literal, unfunny, all the usual, presumably. No matter, I am not participating, and I want to.

I shouldn't have come yet I am glad I did, I feel affection for them, I have missed them. 

I should go home, but I'll have another beer, see if by waiting I'll get company on the trip home. A beer turns into a drink too, my leg hurts, my hip will stop carry me any moment, need to sit, can't sit on the step, would block the door, no chairs free, don't want to take someone else's chair, no! 

A good friend is talking, I can't tell if he is joking, being serious; being mean or just oblivious. I logically see that he is probably messing with me but I can't feel it, it's bloody serious. I treat him like he is joking and it seems it was correct. Shaking, want to cry. Everybody seem hostile under the surface, I can't judge anymore.

Someone else have brought a pet, I am afraid of it, he is keeping a loose leash despite knowing I am afraid, lets go of the leash altogether, the furball runs towards me, I almost panic, so thin a veneer of normality already, can barely keep it together. I do not think he is doing it on purpose but I will have to talk to him when I am calmer, this is driving me away, fast. 

Picture of cane taken at home.

I shouldn't be here. Too tired to interpret the actions of this alien race,  too tired to wear my human mask, people are starting to comment.

Time to run away.

Run, huh, who am I fooling. Hobbling down an alley with my cane, more like, almost falling once, catching myself against a corner. I don't think anyone I know saw, don't think anyone looked once I was a few steps away. Embarrassed about my physical weakness, far more embarrassed about my mental weakness. 

Survival skills

I apparently have no hairpins, elastics, hairclips or similar in my purse or at work.

But I have paperclips!

A sound experiment

I wanted to see how these images and colours worked out. Some worked better than others :)

Safety pins and skulls

Moyou plates, CG Orange you hot, some black stamping polish.

Sunday Funday

After five separate parties I was rather hungover and tired come Sunday. A friend slept over and we ate buttermilk pancakes with mango, raspberry and maple syrup for breakfast. And lots and lots of coffee. It kickstarted me though it wore off only all too quickly.. 

The balcony is thriving - still mostly surprise flowers. I wonder if this one might be a sunflower? I have no idea, really. I am curious though! 

I tried walking the hangover off with a friend. It was not successful, I only got sore feet, but at least it was a nice day to be out. No regrets. :)

Joe

I bought a robot vacuum cleaner, finally. It is pushing the cats' toys around to their confusion.

Its name is Joe. Joe is so far letting me write blog posts and talk to my friend while he cleans the floor (both vacuum and dry mop), with the added bonus of cat enrichment.

June

Scales

Dragon scales? Mermaid scales?

Surprise flowers

Surprise seed bags are fun. I have no idea what half of the stuff that comes up is. Sometimes I figure it out when it flowers.

Longing 2

Friday the 13th I was out, so tired, waiting for my friend's gig.

Someone talked about cats, about cats' passing. And I sunk into memories, biting my lip, struggling no to cry, whispering Linus, Linus, Linus over and over. I sing for him, now.

Longing

Midsummer weekend. In many ways one of my most hated Swedish Holiday weekends. The masses of people that get too drunk and do stupid stuff. It scares me. Then that everybody have plans. So if I feel lonely I am bound to feel more lonely. On the other hand, a long weekend where I can barricade myself at home and get something done, maybe, or just sleep, probably.

I have been thinking a lot about my grandfather this weekend. Remembering the funeral, too.

Only this morning did it strike me that the funeral was on midsummer's eve.

A sad anniversary to be observing.

There are few situations where I feel as lonely as among a crowd of people I almost know.

Wildflower meadow on the balcony 2014

G-g-goosebumps!

Remember KAOS! from this post? The video in the post is their first single, a few years back.

Last night I saw them live for the first time.

MIND. BLOWN.

GOOSEBUMPS.

The single is like the tip of the iceberg, showing the potential. I haven't heard the full record, though I will most certainly buy it - I hope some of the depth and raw power of the live performance translates to the recorded format! If you have a chance to see them live, do. And buy the record. It's on itunes if you can't get the actual CD. I turned into an instant lifelong fan last night, just migrating closer and closer to the stage, and actually dancing (despite wishing I had brought my cane half an hour earlier - I got to pay for that).

Honestly I was so tired after work yesterday - I slept on the metro to town, was very unsure if I would manage to stay up until the concert, somehow managed, left immediately after, and then I slept 40 minutes on the metro home before wandering home and going straight to bed. Wish I could sleep longer in the mornings.. Today my legs are cramping from the effort of holding me up without support yesterday. Ow. OW.

Oh, and I spent four hours in a hairdresser chair, and got my hair dyed and cut. Blue and turquoise and neon green dye, and freshened up the undercut and trimmed the neck, and cut off some more off the length - in various sections.

The t-tune project is taking a break. I am a bit tired of it, but I kept it up for over three months. I might pick it up again later, or I might never start again. Time will show.

Rose stamp

I finally had time for a more elaborate mani again - just as my backlog of scheduled posts ran out.

Unnoticed transitions

I was staring idly out the train window when my brain suddenly decided to call my attention to what I was looking at. Aspen, goat willow,  hazel - with fully grown, somewhat insect eaten leaves. When did this happen? When did spring with its green misting around the black branches turn into summer?

Mid-may Summer day

I spent an hour or so sitting under this tree waiting for a bus with my friend A in mid-may, before the wintry cold returned to Stockholm.

Tekniska Museet

Compliments

Did I mention I love colour changers? I did? Oh. 

This b/w glitter topper is the single thing that always gets me compliments for my nails. There's a lot of dupes out there, this one from HM.  I get questions if I placed every dot by itself.. 

More tea

Water marbling

My first attempt at water marbling, accent only. Must try again soon!

I'm not going down on my knees

Possibility of rain

Last night I was sitting on the docks of old town together with my brother (who came to visit me over the weekend), just chatting, telling stories, laughing. Beautiful evening. (We had done a bit of a bar crawl drinking one beer each place and moving on, so the mood was generally good..) 

There are all these questions on my mind

Thanks to Niklas for pointing this out to me!