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Sunday, 27 December 2020

Five years

I have decided to resuscitate this blog, for a whole host of reasons. Most of them can be found in why my posting died out. Maybe chief among them, I found an online "home" on the Ravelry boards. Since Ravelry has, in 2020, been revealed to be ableist assholes who exclude a whole lot of people from their site, I am no longer active there. I have retained a lot of my community from there in other places, ie fb, twitter, discord and more, but I miss a place to braindump, a soap box on a street corner of the internet to yell into the void. So this will be my soap box, where I can write longer, more or less cohesive texts not fitted to the format of the sites mentioned above. The title Random I expect to still be wholly applicable. 

What has happened in five years? 
In a more or less chronological order, I present some important things from the life of the Sil: 

  • After a year of financial freedom and recuperation from a total burnout (I was so lucky these two things happened at the same time so I didn't have to fight for financial survival) I got a new job
  • I discovered Seigmen had reunited and released a new record
  • I bought my first fountain pen
  • I met who I thought at the time was the love of my life, moved together, got pregnant, got dumped, had a miscarriage, thought it was the end of the world, but it turned out it wasn't, just lifelong freedom from someone who had lied a lot to me. Thus it ended the best way possible.
  • I got another new job (back to management, and it was great and fun and all that, but it was also always just gonna be a year)
  • I bought some more fountain pens
  • I got yet another new job - back to IT, whodathunk?!
  • I dyed my hair into a complete rainbow
  • I threw off some anxieties from that year at art school and started painting and turns out, I'm ok at it after all
  • A pandemic arrived and at the same time I got a new position at work (still IT), and because of said pandemic I have never met most of my team and never together. 
  • Ravelry fucked up badly and gave me migraines and weird tics in my arm
  • I got some words and explanations for why my body is such a mess. My disability has names. I feel seen. 
  • I cut my hair into a mohawk, tho it is still so long on top that it isn't obvious. I plan to shorten it, eventually, and spray it up into a tall standing 'hawk. I just haven't felt cool enough yet. That is to say, I can't be arsed to care. 
  • I now have more than three dozen fountain pens, and an ink collection to match
  • I turned 40 and I am proudly sporting some shiny white hairs on my temples and in my eyebrows
  • I bought a cd player and some 30 cds in one month
  • I really like working from home
  • I knit something like eight pair of socks during the pandemic, so far, socks are nice and soothing, especially plain socks just round and round and round
  • I am getting to terms with the fact that I have too many hobbies and start too many projects and never become really great at anything. It's ok to play the fiddle like a novice, paint ugly flowers, sing falsely, abandon a thousand started art or craft project, forget I have that expensive console for half a year. As long as I do things that give me joy and distraction in the moment I don't have to be good at everything, and definitely don't need to turn things into hustles. I am, and will always be random. I love too many things, and too many colours, and too many creatures. And it is good. 

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