Thursday, 31 July 2014

Hip spring

Well, damn. Another corset that doesn't fit. Not enough hip spring (waist to hip ratio). This is loose in the waist and too tight over the hips and is, when the photo was taken, hurting my hip bones.

Anyone know a local-to-stockholm corsetier? Or do I have to resort to working on distance with somebody (eek, what if I mis-measure)?

July heatwave

I don't have pictures from going swimming that aren't showing off other people's seminaked bodies, which I am opposed to posting for ethical reasons. But it actually, eventually, got warm enough that even I got in the water - several times! There is an after-dark photo from the park after swimming, and a few photos from hanging out on my balcony, and a whiny photo because I am not convinced it is warm yet and the AC at work was run too cold. A lot of beer has been drunk, and a lot of whisky has been drunk, and I got a sail on my balcony for shade.

Alasdair sees himself in the mirror

The motivation behind my choices

I question myself a lot. Do I walk the talk? What is my motivation for doing this or that? Why do I react the way I do? Am I handling my reaction in a constructive manner?

Some of my questions when it comes to polyamory is Why I am doing it, and Whether I will stick with it, and Am I trying to avoid something.

Thus the initial resonance when it comes to this blog post - I only started reading her blog very recently, the post about colonialism, but OH so interesting, and so much resonance, and so interesting again, and I learn stuff and I get a-ha moments and I realise stuff and I get stuff to chew on. Worth a read!

This post in particular had a strong resonance with me throughout.

Relevant to me excerpt:

"But unlike the anti-commitment mavericks, I don’t want to reject love and meaningful attachment to other humans in the form of romantic relationships. To be sure, I’m nervous of the pain they can bring: but I know I want it. I am like this in friendship too. I crave platonic ties that enfold love and intimacy that will last to our dying days. Ultimately, being non-monogamous does not free me from the work and emotional risk of love and commitment. Rather, it re-shapes what love and commitment (can) look like, requiring me to negotiate them with multiple partners instead of one. Poly can also sometimes blur the boundaries between platonic and romantic love. A caveat: I’m not knocking sex for the sake of sex. For some people that is what fulfills them. It is not sufficient for the intimacy I crave." 

Stockholm Pride

 Pride flag nails (Bisexual pride flag, a wider pink and a wider blue stripe flanking a purple stripe).

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Monday, 28 July 2014

Summer mani and summer balcony

Nighttime hangout (To be honest I tend to fall asleep out there since it is slightly
cooler out there after dark, it takes longer before indoors starts cooling down.)

Monday, 21 July 2014

Paparazzi shots

Every now and then a photo that somebody I might or might not know has taken of me pops up on my radar. This one was taken by somebody I don't know, Saturday. Me and my trusty IPA, @KGB.

Friday, 18 July 2014

Running with a cane

The urge to run away is severely hampered by the fact that I walk with a cane.

So tired, mentally tired, in physical pain, slow brain due to physical circumstances, endorphines. Distracted. Processing slowly. I want to talk but I don't have the energy to interrupt and it turns out if there are more then one other person noone listens when I speak,  they speak over and around me. I am too slow, too banal, too technical, literal, unfunny, all the usual, presumably. No matter, I am not participating, and I want to.

I shouldn't have come yet I am glad I did, I feel affection for them, I have missed them. 

I should go home, but I'll have another beer, see if by waiting I'll get company on the trip home. A beer turns into a drink too, my leg hurts, my hip will stop carry me any moment, need to sit, can't sit on the step, would block the door, no chairs free, don't want to take someone else's chair, no! 

A good friend is talking, I can't tell if he is joking, being serious; being mean or just oblivious. I logically see that he is probably messing with me but I can't feel it, it's bloody serious. I treat him like he is joking and it seems it was correct. Shaking, want to cry. Everybody seem hostile under the surface, I can't judge anymore.

Someone else have brought a pet, I am afraid of it, he is keeping a loose leash despite knowing I am afraid, lets go of the leash altogether, the furball runs towards me, I almost panic, so thin a veneer of normality already, can barely keep it together. I do not think he is doing it on purpose but I will have to talk to him when I am calmer, this is driving me away, fast. 

Picture of cane taken at home.
I shouldn't be here. Too tired to interpret the actions of this alien race,  too tired to wear my human mask, people are starting to comment.

Time to run away.

Run, huh, who am I fooling. Hobbling down an alley with my cane, more like, almost falling once, catching myself against a corner. I don't think anyone I know saw, don't think anyone looked once I was a few steps away. Embarrassed about my physical weakness, far more embarrassed about my mental weakness. 

Friday, 11 July 2014

Survival skills

I apparently have no hairpins, elastics, hairclips or similar in my purse or at work.

But I have paperclips!

Thursday, 10 July 2014

A sound experiment

I wanted to see how these images and colours worked out. Some worked better than others :)

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Monday, 7 July 2014

Sunday Funday

After five separate parties I was rather hungover and tired come Sunday. A friend slept over and we ate buttermilk pancakes with mango, raspberry and maple syrup for breakfast. And lots and lots of coffee. It kickstarted me though it wore off only all too quickly.. 
The balcony is thriving - still mostly surprise flowers. I wonder if this one might be a sunflower? I have no idea, really. I am curious though! 

I tried walking the hangover off with a friend. It was not successful, I only got sore feet, but at least it was a nice day to be out. No regrets. :)