Friday, 27 February 2009

Friday night

I ran out of things that was reasonable for me to do today (as opposed to tomorrow or next week - I have to wait for the days to pass so I will have my numbers to work on) and so I went home at a relatively early time (after just 8,5 hours work) for being me on a friday. Thus, I find myself at home and immensely bored. Bah. Entertain me!

Monday, 23 February 2009

Thinking on the bus

I want to start writing again

poetry

the way I used to.
The way words would come through my mind, channeled
along my arms and
through my hands
onto paper.

Thinking on the bus
the words echo inside
my skull, booming
rattling around
flowing smoothly like a river
In the eloquence of my solitary thoughts
I can write
I can speak
I have the power of words
of expression

I sit on the bus, thinking about
Writing
I wonder, can I write in English
The answer flowing through my head before
the question
has been thought. Of course
it has been the native language of my thoughts
for decades
I have written.
I tentatively try my mother tongue, but to my dismay
(expected though it is)
the words fall like stones, bumping dully off the bottom of my
brain
no echo

I wonder, not quite daring to try
if I could express myself
if I have enough control of the language
if I can find the words, and make others
hear them
the way I wish (or in a completely new way hitherto unthought of)
Can I write in my new country's tongue
or will it fail me
too weak a grasp of the subtleties of
grammar, and spelling, and idioms and meanings.

I want to write. I want to
challenge myself.

I wish I dared share.

Sunday, 22 February 2009

Slow weekend

I really haven't done much this weeked. Cleaned a bit, read some, started on a new project, did a few hours of work from home, sat online most of the time. Slept too little and had quite alot of fun. The little sleep is bad considering the coming week, but the fun is good for the same reason. Starting on a positive note.

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Flashback: April 2007

While I didn't blog much that month, I did quite alot of writing as well as drawing (although the blog is freed from it). The few blog posts I entered are, in my not so humble opinion, worth a look.

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Fishies and boobs?

And in Finland they obviously decided an old-fashioned (but cool) boat is not enough to sell Fisherman's Friend. I haven't seen this in Sweden, but that doesn't mean it isn't used here too. Anyone seen it?

Preparations

Next week (and probably the weeks after that) are going to be tough at work. I am preparing mentally. Happiness can and will be found anywhere!

Sociala (och asociala för den del) distraktioner mottages vänligen men bestämt, tack.

Sunday, 15 February 2009

Stuff for sale!

I took these ages ago. This is stuff I am going to sell - but I never seem to get around to it. I am no expert but some googling tells me late fifties - sixties. The grey one is Norwegian (Figgjo Flint) and the orange/green is English (Kathie Winkle/Broadhurst).

While I think they are lovely, they really don't fit with my general style so I have to part with these treasures. Putting them up here is mostly just in my normal random style, I don't really expect to get them sold via my blog, but if you are interested or if you know someone who might be; get in touch (located in Stockholm, Sweden).

General information: There are a bunch of cups and saucers and plates with each, not just the ones in the photo. Both sets have six plates, six saucers. Renaissance have four surviving cups, the FF one five (I think). The FF one also has a tea/coffee pot.






















Some more pictures:

Anniversary

In exactly three weeks it is a year since I moved here.

It has been an interesting year, a steep learning curve.

It has been a year where I have sometimes felt sad, scared, tired, melancholy, angry, lonely. But it has mostly been a year where I have felt happy, content, stable, secure. I think it is the first year where I can say for sure I have not suffered from depression or the extreme moodswings which has been my staple. I hope that means I am free. I am sometimes scared, but since I by now am starting to learn how much I can actually deal with, the fear is lessening.

I am proving capable to live my own life. That is very satisfying.

Let sleeping dogs lie

When am I gonna learn to keep my trap shut and leave people be?

Saturday, 14 February 2009

And switched back to red

If you've been here the past hour you've probably gotten to see a whole lot of variations over the appearance of the blog. I think I am done now - and changing the colours should be easy now that everything else is worked out.

If the layout looks weird on your screen, please take a screenshot, mail it to me and include which resolution you are using. Unless I hear anything to the contrary I will assume everyone thinks it looks brilliant.

Hyvää Ystävänpäivää!

Have a really good friendship day, friends near and far, new and old, known and still unknown to me.

Friday, 13 February 2009

I was challenged!!!

I finally got challenged to one of the blog-memes that go around! Ok, ok - so I basically begged for a challenge. But it worked! And I didn't actually expect to get one, so I was surprised! My completely ruthless and rather pathetic (but totally honest) hint about wanting one only removed a tiny measure of pleasure from the fact that I did finally get my challenge. I feel like I exist now! Thankyouthankyou!

The challenge; translated:
1: Enter your image directory
2: Enter the sixth folder and choose the sixth picture in that directory.
3: Show the picture on your blog and write something about it.



Something. Ok, so alittle more. This is Lucia. Lichtkönigin Lucia to be specific. She is a rosebush I bought early in the summer and placed in a pot on my balcony. One of two rosebushes. The other didn't bloom this first summer, maybe the one to come will bring more luck? But Lucia bloomed. All summer long and far into the autumn, and with fragrant "oldfashioned" roses. She is now resting, pruned down for the winter. But in not too many weeks it will be warmer and sunnier and I expect she will start getting shoots. :)

Yep. Hobby gardener. Never thought I would become this attached to my plants, I used to be able to kill every single plant I tried to care for. Nowadays I have a veritable garden in here and they tend to survive more often than not.

And I will send the challenge onwards.
Beledra (when you get back from your trip, I will wait patiently), Kajsa, Skogtussa.

(Michis, you can do it if you want :-P - and on the blog of your choice.)

Lunchnews from Silmeland

This morning in Stockholm Miss A. was attacked by a stone or rock. The attacker's size or appearance is unknown at this point. A's arm was hurt in the attack, how badly is yet unknown, as the doctors had not been able to reduce the swelling at the time news reached us.

Unfortunately this means all weekend plans are cancelled.
This is Silme reporting from lunch, and I wish you a nice day - and a speedy recovery to the unfortunate A.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Gone green

The blog has looked the same for such a long time, so I decided to change the colour tone from red to green. It matches my hair! I like things that match my hair at the moment. :)

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Things we do in vain

I should cut my nails, it is getting difficult to type. Instead I file away small irregularities, paint them black or blue or green. I don't get it. The only one who appreciates it is my cat who loves how I can scratch him with long nails.
Ekologiska vanilj-doftande blockljus från Indiska ftw.

Sunday, 8 February 2009

Astigmatism

I have for some time been thinking that I should illustrate what my world looks like. Mostly because I am very interested in what other people's worlds look like - I always have, mostly from an artistic point of view (for instance, how does a colourblind person see my paintings) - but the past few years also from a professional point of view since sight correction is, after all, what I work with.

Thus, a simple illustration using a capital e!

This is what it should look like.

This is what it looks like if I only look with my right eye.
The blue is the "fake" one.

This is what it looks like if I look with my left eye, the red being the one thats not there.

And this, more realistically coloured, is what I wind up seeing.

I have glasses that correct my astigmatism, I have glasses that also correct my myopia. Alot of the time I walk without though, since I only have alittle myopia - on one eye just enough for perfect reading focus, actually. If it wouldn't be for the bloody astigmatism.

Like most people with inaccurate vision I am good at interpreting my surroundings, and I can easily manage most things without glasses. However...

Departure/arrivals boards at train/metro stations, airports, etc, as well as the signs aboard trains and buses telling you which stop you're at, are impossible to read. Road signs that are text not symbols can be very challenging as well but I don't need to see them often considering I don't drive. But public transportation.. meh. I can usually interpret letters, especially capital letters, but numbers...

Sil's Windowsill Garden Blog

Another orchid.

I had to switch to manual focus to get a decent picture, which is always a bit touch and go considering my not too accurate sight...

Saturday, 7 February 2009

Green pigtails are perfectly normal.

On another note; my dear colleague (the one that brings me joulusuklaa!) commented upon my hair last week. She said something very close to the following: "You get used to it fast. At first, especially when it was hanging loose, it was very green and there was alot of it. Then a few days later you had braided it and it seemed to me like green pigtails were perfectly normal, anyone could have that."

:D

Recognition

I make a habit out of NOT wanting to know anything about people that make things I like - be it an artist, author, actor, or whoever. Knowing their name so I can find other nice things by them is sufficient for my needs, I would rather not know if they are complete jerks, have horrible opinions, if that handsome actor is a wifebeater or, for that sake, happily married with six kids. Knowing an artist has views I cannot agree with (or are plain stupid, does bad things, w/e) can possibly ruin the joy I take in their work, and to keep my good feelings I prefer staying ignorant. I will stretch that policy to allowing myself to visit artists' homepages looking for information about their next release, tour, exhib, but I try to avoid getting any personal information and I hate the gossipy media (not that they usually publish info on anyone I am interested in).

Thus, when I recently was checking for information about any new books from one of my favourite authors and I found this on her blog, I was very relieved to find she is a really nice person with sensible views of the world, a good sense of humour, and respect for her readers. I can continue enjoying her work without any bad memories or associations attached! However - now I am reading her blog, as a side effect of her being so nice and smart. Which is all to the good, nothing wrong with that, I read alot of blogs of alot of nice and smart people all across the world. But it made me think about some issues I found I had with posting comments on her blog - I am normally an active commenter but I found myself unusually reticient and I started wondering why. Part of the answer I found in a post there while I was reading the backlog, most of it came from my own head.

Anybody that lives in a city of some reasonable size will run some risk of at some point or other encountering someone they know - not through personal contact but because they have seen their face in media. Chance is they won't really care about this person and the majority of people will pretend nothing is out of the ordinary, or come with a casual greeting to a face they recognize but haven't yet identified (as a sidenote, I have noted that the tillers at my local supermarket elicit that reaction too if I meet them in a different context - I am convinced I know them but can't place them. Embarrassing situations arise...).

Sometimes however, you might happen to meet someone whose work you know very well, a person you admire. Then you get the choice between pretending like nothing or approach them. Alot of people I know, including myself (this is a clue!), would probably pretend like nothing here, either being too shy or assuming the person would be really weary of random hello-ers.

This situation also arises online with artists interacting with their fans. The difference with the online variety of this situation is that because text is more impersonal than a face-to-face encounter the threshold of interaction is also lower, everything is slightly more easy and relaxed. However: You are talking to a person who you have some knowledge of, maybe feel you know in some way, but the person has no clue who you are. You admire this person and would want the person to like you. So do you behave like your normal self, or do you try to say things that will catch the person's attention and make them approve of you?

Anyway I got stuck in the limelight of my self-examination on this point.
Why am I posting this comment, do I have anything to add to the discussion, or am I just trying to ingratiate myself with X? The mere question, consciously or subconsciously asked, makes me not post. I don't want to go over the top. Thus I comment less, become shyer.

Today at the metro while writing I was pondering and trying to view my behaviour normally objectively. And I think that I tend to comment without much worry whenever I have a comment to make to something on the blogs I frequent, not really worrying about whether people like me or not but as always trying to be nice and hoping I can bring some happiness or a smile to one or more persons. So my conclusion is that it is mere paranoia/shyness and the same reason I wouldn't talk to any kind of celebrity I admire if I met them in the bookshop or at the supermarket or in the park. I don't want to DISplease the person so I play safe by not attracting attention (and I wouldn't want to be seen as trying to ingratiate myself, now would I!). And so it spirals.

Most bloggers I know love getting comments and discussing with their readers, it is the attraction of the blog-concept. So it is probably a shame I go shy with some people. I will try to worry less and just be myself in the future now that I have realised this - and having gone so public with my thoughts, I have to follow it too.

This little thing doesn't really have a conclusion beyond that, I guess.

How would (or do) you act around people (with more or less celebrity status) you admire who doesn't know you?

Orchids

Five out of seven orchids. One more has bloomed (again) since I took these, another has buds.


While you are waiting...

I wrote a blogpost on paper on the metro today. While you are waiting for me to type it in, here is something else I made -

When time was overdue to take down the christmas decorations I disliked the idea of removing the paper star in the kitchen, since it was such a cozy light (I lack a ceiling lamp in there so it gets dark during this season). This was solved by folding a paper shade for the lamp - actually I made several but this is the first and the one I am using for the time being. It is pink and matches the wire thing I put plates and glasses on when I wash them. So there.

Always time for tea

Today. I re-dyed my slightly washed-out green hair before breakfast (I slept long and didn't get up until 0730 this morning), then wandered about the flat, made some work-related phone calls, drank alot of tea, read some, and went out to drink more tea with a friend.

Friday, 6 February 2009

I am going to write a blogpost tomorrow, a real one - I have things to write about. And post more pictures of orchids. Rejoice!