Monday, 5 May 2014

Scale of judgement

"We don't have a relationship!"

The hell we do. Whether you are reading this but never talked to me, talk to me online, work with me, is a blood relation of me, usually sit at the till at the local supermarket, are my friend, could-be would-be friend, romantic interest (mutual or not), or whether you are my pet even, we have a relationship.

And all of these relationships are part of our lives, we handle most of them more or less graciously (hopefully), sometimes we spend some time and effort on actually giving time to some of them depending on what they are to us.

All of these relationships are unique - down to the tiller at the supermarket, if the person changes that changes subtly too. It's a dance of life. We are social creatures, creating webs of connections with other creatures.

A big part of my philosophy is that all these relationships are to be judged on their own merit, rather than weighed against eachother. Usually most people agree on this when it comes to family, friends, and so forth - but when things transition from friend to something more - lover, a flirt, a deeper feeling, sexual or not - most people I know also seem to want to prioritize them. "The relationship with this person is worth more than this person and so I will end contact with the other person", to put it in the extreme. I don't think they should be treated this way. Each connection is unique, and to be left to flower on its own. Not saying that there will not be feedback from other strings, but we don't put our friends on scales to be weighed against eachother, do we? We value them in different ways. Charlene is fun to hang out with and comes with really creative solutions to some of my practical problems, whereas John is a great listener. Different qualities in the relationships make us value both, but in different ways. Not to be weighed against eachother.

1 comment:

  1. You might say we have kind of a distant relationship >;)

    Besides that I fully agree with you (ref. your last paragraph)

    Cold As Heaven


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