Well. Got the elliptical gadget (see comments of this post), DHL was kind enough to follow their own directions and deliver it "sometime monday afternoon". Built it. Tested it briefly. It will do.
However, it claims I am in good shape (after measuring my pulse, both working pulse, resting pulse and getting from the former to the latter), just fat. Do we believe it? Hah. Funniest thing all week (which admittedly hasn't been long, but I am willing to include last week too). (Addition to clarify: I don't think it understood that I could take it no longer when I stopped after a few minutes, it just thought I got bored or something.)