I went to bed, being tired and not having anything specific to do. While lying in bed and almost falling asleep my thoughts drifted and suddenly I was jolted awake and realised I had to write some of it down. This is not complete but it is somewhat the way it went.
A long time ago (some months at the least) I got a friendship request on facebook from the person who had my job before me. I have just left it there, hanging there, not wanting to accept but terrified of taking any decision about it and so not doing anything at all.
I remember liking carrot juice as a child.
I finally realised I don't have to accept - she was never my friend and to the very last moment she did her best to not support me or give me any help or intention of help. And that is the person that was my supervisor for several years. For some reason I didn't recognise it as bullying until now.
We got it in glass bottles, I think. I don't remember how it actually
But few people have had the power to make me feel that bad for such extended periods of my life. And that is not a friend and never will be.
tasted but I remember that I really really liked it.
The last week she worked at the company we were going parallell, she was supposed to teach me, according to the manager, I was supposed to ask her everything and make sure I knew all she knew. I remember asking which other responsibilities I would be getting apart from my main one and for a list of procedures I needed to know or find out about; and I remember the scorching laugh and the reply "why, you should know such details before you accept the job". Thus some things, like how the administration process of updating contracts, went past me for several months. Just a detail. There are hundreds of such memories. Sadly enough.
If I buy carrot juice nowadays it isn't particularly good at all. I wonder if it is
It kept me running like a scared rabbit for the first four months, saying "I fix" to way more than I could handle and accepting responsibility for things I didn't have the faintest idea how worked, just because I thought it was expected of me. Well, I impressed, that is good, the fact that I almost ruined myself over it is not.
the same or if my childhood's carrot juice was magical somehow.
I am going to go decline/ignore that friendship request now. Yay me!