Friday, 12 June 2009

The truth of my really exciting life as a single in the big city.

People seem to think I have this amazingly exciting other life on my spare time.

Every friday and monday it seems to repeat itself: I get asked "what exciting plans do you have for the weekend" or "did you do anything fun in the weekend" and similar. I am always a bit baffled by the question - on weekends I mostly do my weekend things which usually includes doing dishes and laundry, spending alot of time with Linus, watering my plants (during winter its every sunday afternoon!), and reading or watching something that caught my interest, or being creative, or doing all at once.

Oh, admittedly I have periods where I do stuff every weekend in a row for weeks, even months, but these periods are always interspersed with 4-5 month periods where I don't see a human being during weekends unless I decide I need something at the supermarket or go for a walk. At least it seems to me that that is the way it goes.

What bothers me about the questions are:
  • It seems to be socially expected of me to do stuff and if I don't I am strange, asocial or behaving like a granny. I get tired and feel bad at work all the following week if I don't get enough sleep staying out all night partying, not to mention that there's very few people I could imagine staying out all night socialising with (or all day for that sake).
  • Why are people so interested in the exciting details of my life as a single anyway (I cannot recall getting so detailed questions when I had a live-in relationship!)? Bloody voyeurs! (I don't mean you Mike, you're ok.)
  • I have actually started giving vague hints that I might hang out with some unspecified friend or go to some just as unspecified but rather boring party, just to get rid of the questioner. When I have no intention of any such thing and have in fact no knowledge of any party (boring or otherwise) where I would be welcome. If I tell the truth "I intend to stay at home" I usually get interrogated about why and told I really shouldn't. I dislike that. It is easier to just give the impression that yes, I do stuff. The bothering part of this is that I am letting myself get so close to lying just to fit into the norm, seem normal and not get my lifestyle questioned.
I really need to stop doing this and just explain all the curious people at work that NO - I usually don't do anything at weekends because I don't really know that many people in Stockholm, the few I do know get tired of obnoxious norwegians really quick, and I actually like being at home reading and getting enough sleep, even if I am always willing to meet up with and hang out with people I truly like (unless, yet again, I need sleep - in which case I will usually suggest another time).

Stop bloody pretending, girl.

PS: I get jealous when people do stuff together but never ask me. One of the lesser reasons I never or rarely do stuff is that I don't like going places alone, it is boring. I want to go places with people too. And my raging jealousy bothers me too. I want to not care, to be above that.


  1. So, got any exciting plans for this weekend? I kid, I kid!

    There's not a damn thing wrong with just staying at home, with a good book, some wine, and a conveniently placed feline. Quality time. And dammit, I miss wine. But I digress. Tell the 'peekers' to mind their own damn biz.

  2. You should be PROUD of your relaxed weekends. Reading, and therefore educating yourself, is much more interesting than going to some random party with random people.

    And maybe your colleagues would invite you to join them if they have some interesting plans if you say that you haven't got bigger plans yet?

    On the positive side note: at least your colleagues talk to you ;)

  3. Tbh the ones that I wouldn't mind hanging out with are the only ones that never ask ;)

  4. I think the question is rather common and I don't think people who start asking why you're just going to stay home (generally) mean it personally either. It's just as common to continue the common question in question with the whys.

  5. The "why"'s and "you really should" and disdainful looks tend to come from the same people time after time, unfortunately. I intend to keep my firm opinion that disdain for other's choices and lifestyles, especially habitually disdain, is bad. Worse even because it's done because it is, as you say, "common". How did it get common? What kind of society are we that find such a thing normal?

  6. The same kind of society that casts more votes for American Idol than in presidential elections. We're basically 6 billion people of self-centered hypocrites. With some notable exceptions.

    Basic psychology says we scoff and cast disdain at others for the things we dislike in ourselves. They're all just jealous of your stability and contentment without the need of cliche. (But perhaps I presume too much.)

    So, keep being the notable exception. :)

    Oh, and for the ones you wouldn't mind hanging out with...leave blatant clues. :D

  7. Arr.. I wrote a big post and then it went away...

    I think you shouldn't take it too personally, because I suppose they are just making smalltalk. Just that their reaction to it is a bit stupid. I think I partly agree with Mordhele there, with: "we scoff and cast disdain at others for the things we dislike in ourselves". It might be, that those people are also spending their weekends at home, and just hope to find out what else there is to do, and when you can't provide them with enough entertainment, they are just disappointed, because they've got nothing better to do themselves either.

    Do they also tell what they do on the weekends? It could also be just a prelude for their wish to talk about that.
    You definitely should ask what their plans are, to find out, if those are any better.

    You should also let the good go around, and ask those nice workmates what they are doing, and include yourself to their plans, if those seem nice. I know thath doing the wishful "Oh, you're going there. I really have wanted to go there also, but haven't had company"-kind of talk is sometimes so frustrating and irritating to oneself, but being a bit pushy might be a good thing, because people tend to assume that other people already got plans and are not interested in joining them :)

    But as an end note: The midsummer's eve is coming, and I've plans to stay in town and clean up my closets. That is like the ultimate lameness for most of the people for a long weekend plans. You should see the looks and comments I've been getting :D

  8. Haha, like once in ljusdal when some guy from work asked me out for a burger and I declined with the reason I was going home to scrub my kitchen (on a friday night)? True, amusing to me, rather horrifying to them.

    I do not come from a country where midsummer eve is widely celebrated the way it is in Sweden/Finland. So I rarely do stuff.

    But yes, I think you all have good suggestions. Also wish that they weren't so hard to do something about, dunno why that is...

  9. Tja, jeg kan vel ikke si annet enn at det er rimelig vanlig for meg også å få det spørsmålet.
    Det er langt fra ofte jeg har noe å gjøre.
    Jeg spiller rollespill 1 helg i mnd og muligens 2 søndager.
    Resten går med til å sitte hjemme, mens jeg vet mine venner gjør andre ting.

  10. Mr. or Ms. "Anonymous":
    What do you think about it? What is your reaction - what do you say and which reaction do you get to what you say?


Be nice!